Advice.
Look both ways before crossing the street, because nobody knows how to drive a car. Floss at least once every day; buy the nice kind that doesn’t chop your fingers up. If you’re wearing a jacket, you probably need both a pocket square and a tie. You don’t need more than one computer anymore. Build a fire pit in your backyard at all costs. Sync everything. Try to strike up friendly conversations with every driver who calls you a cunt. Splurge on a cell phone with a data plan; if you already have one, splurge on a solid state drive; if you have both, you don’t need anything else. In the long run, shaving with a fancy double-edged razor costs less. Buy flowers for strangers who watch your bike for you. Use Instapaper, for the love of god. Write down the phone numbers and email addresses of close friends and relatives. Stop giving a shit about who is better than you; they’re just good in different ways. You probably don’t need more than six really nice shirts. Try the $8 9% Orval instead of two $4 4.5% lagers; you’ll get just as drunk, and the ingredients are way better. Text your friends about where the road is chopped up, so they can find a detour. Buy two belts and two pairs of shoes that match each other. Make funnier party invites than anyone. Welcome strangers and eject haters. Use a soft-bristled toothbrush and take ten seconds longer than you think you need. Invent ridiculous constraints. Move where your friends are; they’ll help you the most. Learn to code. You only need to figure out one way to tie your tie and fold your pocket square. Thank everyone. Write letters. Learn the difference between its, it’s, their, they’re, there, where, we’re, and wear. Go on strike from any dumb bullshit that doesn’t fit what you want to be doing, because it’s always better to starve happy. Delete all of your RSS feeds. Always request patio seating. Don’t eat shitty, processed quasifood. Take all of your work less seriously. Offer to help. Love your kneecaps: ride a single-speed bike with a freewheel and two brakes. Learn the tradeoffs you’re making for the things you’ve chosen to pay attention to. Learn to say no graciously. Make small gestures. Don’t be a dick to people. You probably don’t need to drink pop. Find workable alternatives to anything you shoot down. Always praise the positive aspects before you critique the negative aspects. Find a tailor who listens more than talks. You probably don’t need to buy more than ten typeface families in your lifetime. Liquor before beer, you’re in the clear. It’s okay to stop reading a book that you’re not enjoying. Run everything through spell check. Buy from decent people who believe in their craft. Quit complaining; we’re all suffering the same bullshit in our own special ways. If you’ve committed to something, then you need to find a way to honor it – including a way to gracefully back out. Saw off the binding of that terrible book your aunt gave you over the holidays; use it as a sketchpad. Never refuse an invitation to talk about life around a bonfire. Cuervo Gold is 49% bum rum and no self-respecting human being should ever consume it. If the apocalypse comes tomorrow, the best-dressed one in the room is going to stand in front of the maybe-not-functioning TV cameras.
